


Life Lessons

by FMAvatard (orphan_account)



Category: Free!
Genre: College, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2014-01-03
Packaged: 2017-12-30 01:11:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/FMAvatard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The future is coming up fast for the Iwatobi Swim Club. What will happen after high school? Where will Haruka go? More importantly, where will Makoto be?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Time Flies When You're Growing Up

_July, 2014_

The sun was burning, the cicadas were noisy, and the ice cream was sweet, sticky as it dripped slowly down its stick onto skin. Haruka Nanase quietly switched hands and licked the blue raspberry drippings off of his right thumb, ignoring the gentle chuckle coming from beside him.

Makoto Tachibana watched Haruka with a smile, his gaze turning back to the ocean, where the waves crashed with a gentle strength against the sand. A blonde boy was out there, splashing another boy rather violently and laughing a bit too hard to be completely innocent. Desperate cries of "Nagisa, I can't  _see_!" could be heard even from where the two best friends sat under the umbrella, which was a ways away from the water.

The boys had decided a trip to the beach would be a splendid way to start their summer vacation, and in Haruka and Makoto's case, their last summer vacation of high school. The spring semester had started off well with Nagisa and Rei being ecstatic about becoming upperclassmen. The swim club kept it's usual business, only now they had much friendlier meets with Samezuka, and thus, a much friendlier Rin Matsuoka. Gou was happy to see her big brother more often, and seeing her smile pretty much made everyone happier in the long-term.

Rei had improved immensely with his butterfly stroke, so much so that he'd almost beaten Rin in a joint practice.  _Almost_. The red-haired teen had been just as shell-shocked as Rei had been, despite having won. All that practicing had paid off. Rin had clucked his tongue, admitting that he was actually fairly impressed.

The weeks passed happily, and now summer break had arrived. Haruka wasn't swimming, and the reason for that was because he was sunburned. Makoto wasn't allowing him to go back out there, not for awhile. They were in the shade of a pale blue umbrella, watching Nagisa gleefully harass poor Rei on this beautiful first day of the season. Haruka had been swimming earlier, but it had been immediately upon arrival, before anyone else had even settled their belongings yet. No sunscreen.

He winced almost unnoticeably at the pain, however, nothing got past Makoto. The brunette reached into their beach bag and passed his friend a bottle of aloe gel; of course he'd anticipated this. Haruka wordlessly accepted it, but just the way he'd taken the bottle, a gentle grip, just a bit slowly, Makoto knew his friend might as well have said "Thank you." He smiled again, sighing lightly as the ocean breeze rustled their hair, the scent of salt in the air. A new smell, that of the aloe, tinged his nose as Haruka began applying it to his sunburn.

"It's really been a year, hasn't it?"

"Mm."

Haruka had indeed opened up after the relay with Rin, but old habits died hard, or maybe it was just Makoto. After years upon years of virtually communicating through eye contact or gestures, perhaps he'd just found it unnecessary to talk. Why bother when Makoto could read him like a book, and vice-versa?

His friend laughed at the answer, stopping and pointing at Haruka's back, his other hand open in invitation. The black-haired boy nodded and passed the bottle back, leaning forward slightly so that his friend could treat the more severe area. Makoto put a large gob of the gel on his palm before cautiously spreading it over the burn, eyes flicking to Haruka to gauge him for any excessive pain. Haruka remained still, which was no real indicator, but his friend continued on. If something were wrong, he'd know.

They didn't  _need_  to speak to convey themselves. That was just the way things were.

After a moment, the aloe was spread. Makoto retrieved his own ice cream from it's safe spot (in a cup that was half buried in sand) and continued eating it. Haruka sat with his knees to his chest, staring at the sea as if it was the most precious thing in the world, and he'd been torn from it.

Makoto knew his friend was annoyed, but it was for the best. Haruka knew that, too, but he was just too stubborn to admit it.

"Time's really flying by. It's a little scary, when you think about it."

Makoto broke the silence again, laughing a bit afterward. Haruka only nodded, but of course he'd been thinking about the future, too. He and Makoto were seniors now. This time next next year, they would be graduates. Off to college, probably  _in_  college, if they wanted to be. Rei and Nagisa would be seniors then, probably leading the swim team, if things went right...and then what?

"No matter what we end up doing, we'll all keep in touch."

Haruka looked over as Makoto spoke, only this time his friend was looking directly at him rather than their friends at play. Once again, he'd known exactly what Haruka was thinking. It was so annoying...

...yet so helpful.

They didn't speak anymore after that. The first day of summer flew by, and from there, the subsequent days flew by. The boys more or less swam everyday, training for the next big competition. Rin made an appearance at one or two festivals and all would be well, with fun being the most important priority. Of course, no matter the festivities, no matter the occasion, and especially when they returned to school in the fall, the topic would always turn to the future.

Imminent.

Haruka rarely participated in the conversations, though he listened. Rin was still deadset on joining an Olympic team. Nagisa thought that he'd like to study penguins in Antarctica. Rei said he wasn't quite certain yet, which was fine; he had time. Then one day, during a rather brisk walk in Autumn, Makoto spoke his desires to Haruka.

"I want to teach."

The answer didn't confuse Haruka so much as it shocked him. It made perfect sense; Ren and Ran had given his friend the patience of a saint, not to mention helping Rei last year in the pool. Makoto would make a terrific teacher.

...a teacher...

And Haruka didn't know what he wanted to do yet. He'd had time, loads of time, and yet nothing seemed...good enough. Business didn't suit him, and professional athleticism wouldn't do for him. Swimming was wonderful, but only with the right people...

...then what would Haruka be doing this time next year? What would he be studying? _Would_ he be studying? Nagisa wanted to be with penguins, and Rin would probably be in the Olympics...Makoto would be teaching. Rei was undecided, but he'd surely figure something out...

After the walk, Haru had gone home and made himself a hot bath. He sank into the tub, letting the water pool over his stomach and chest until he was completely submerged. The ceiling rippled above, and he wondered why there was a pain in his chest. The water helped, though, and soon it was gone. He looked out at the night sky, unsurprised to see that snow had begun to fall.

. . . .

_December, 2014_

The time flew startlingly, and soon it was Christmas Eve. Due to a blizzard that had grounded their plane, Haruka's parents had called Makoto's asking if they would take their son in for the holiday, to which the Tachibana's welcomed Haruka into their home with open arms, particularly the twins with cries of "Big Brother Haru came to play!" Makoto smiled, stifling a laugh as his siblings nearly tackled his friend to ground.

"Come on, now, off Big Brother Haru. Mom's making cookies, remember?"

The twins flew from Haruka almost if they'd been pulled away by a mysterious force, and they soon bolted to the kitchen to help their mother with Christmas-time sweets.

"I got the new 'Animal Crossing Deep Sea.' Want to play?"

Haruka nodded and followed Makoto to his room. The brunette quietly put on his glasses and booted up his console, a happy recorder tune playing as waves splashed across the screen.

Haruka hadn't been eased about the future at all. He'd found himself swimming more and more, talking less and less, and more or less reverting to his old self. Makoto had been acting strangely, too, at least for the past three days.

Playing video games with his best friend was a good way to spend Christmas Eve, though, Haruka supposed. He wondered how everyone else was doing, but he didn't have to wonder long for an answer. Nagisa had sent a text that consisted only of an image of he and Rei under a mistletoe, Nagisa's lips puckered ridiculously while Rei was red as a cherry and pushing him away. God, Haru could swear he heard the panicked screaming of "IT'S NOT BEAUTIFUL" from here. Makoto had laughed, and Haruka cracked a smile.

He was surprised to receive a text from Rin, a simple "Merry Christmas." Haruka sent just the same back. Nothing came after that, and that was fine.

Ren and Ran had sworn on their very lives that they would stay up to see Santa Claus, which in children's terms meant they had crashed on the sofa within thirty minutes of making their oath.

...and Makoto was still being weird. He'd talk, and it would be normal, but even then, something felt off. There was something in his tone, something in the way he was playing the game, pressing the buttons. Sometimes he'd stop, as if he were going to say something, and then continue playing. Haruka knew him too well. He wasn't going to ask, though; Makoto would talk when he needed to.

After a few hours, a few sodas, and a few early Christmas cookies, the boys went to bed. Makoto's bed had gotten smaller over the years, or rather, they had gotten bigger. They were both comfortably able to lay on their backs, at least. The moon hit the snow outside in a way that it shone into the room, and even though it was midnight, Haruka could tell everything apart. Of course, he'd committed this room to memory so well he could navigate it in pitch blackness. He was pretty much an adopted child of the Tachibana's, with how often he'd stayed over and hung out over the years. He'd grown used to this atmosphere, this second home. He'd accidentally called Makoto's mother "Mom" once, and it had roused a gentle laugh and the rare sight that was an embarrassed Haruka. Ren and Ran treated him like another big brother. He'd grown used to the warmth by his side, Makoto. He'd grown so accustomed to Makoto by his side in almost  _all_  things, that it almost seemed unnatural when he was gone.

They lay in silence, the snow falling outside gently. For a moment, Haruka had actually been fooled into thinking his friend had fallen asleep, that is, until Makoto spoke and shattered the silent night.

"I'm moving to Kyoto after graduation."

His voice was soft, hardly above a whisper. Even though his friend's tone was calm, Haruka could swear he could hear Makoto's heart pounding in his chest.

...no...that was his own heart...

"There's a university there, and I got accepted. They...there's a really good educational program."

Makoto was answered with silence, and in that silence, Haruka's mental process, months of buildup and tension, all came to a peak.

He'd known. Haruka had known for years this would happen, of course it would; people graduated and moved and got jobs and started families, that was the natural course of things. He'd known one day he and Makoto would go different ways. Makoto was brilliant, with a bright future ahead. A teacher? He'd be the best in Japan. His students would go on to become doctors and lawyers and they'd say "It's all thanks to Mr. Tachibana." He'd be well-respected and loved by the community and he'd probably find-

...

It was at a third thought that Haruka's grip on the bedsheets tightened.

"...Haru? Are-"

"I'm going out for a run."

He threw the blankets from his body and walked quickly to the door, ignoring his bewildered friend behind him. He needed out of here. He needed away.

"Wh-... _now_!? It's  _midnight_! And it's sno-... _Haru_!"

Haruka was already out the door into the freezing night as he heard Makoto chasing after him. He'd slipped on his shoes without socks and took to jogging. The sound of Makoto echoing behind him was muffled in his ears, the wind and snow stinging his cheeks. Damn it, it was cold.

Without realizing it, he was grabbed from behind and turned around. An incredibly red-faced, panting Makoto stared down at him, with eyes that said "What the hell are you doing?" Haruka looked away in shame...or...or maybe it was fear. Or anger? Why would he be angry at Makoto?

He asked himself this question, even though he already knew the answer.

"...y-you're going to catch a c-cold..."

Makoto could've spoken for himself. He looked positively out of breath, the wind and cold probably having taken it out of him in the bolt he'd taken to catch up to his friend.

Haruka only reacted when he saw his friend's teeth chattering, and they calmly snuck their way back into the house. How they hadn't woken anyone up was a mystery, but perhaps it had something to do with the twins being heavy sleepers.

They were silent. Neither could tell what the other was thinking. Haruka hated it. Makoto was his best friend; he hated this feeling he had, this...awkwardness. He hated feeling angry at him, he hated feeling...alone.

Haruka felt alone.

The light was on, and Makoto had gotten three extra blankets, two to wrap around Haruka and one for himself. He'd taken to breathing on his friend's hands, trying to warm them even though he himself was cold as ice. They sat like that for awhile, cross-legged on the bed, Haruka's hands in Makoto's.

Surprisingly, Haruka was the one who spoke next.

"When will you start?"

Makoto looked up from his work, lips parted and his eyes a bit wide.

"Two months after graduation, so May..."

After another moment of silence, Makoto went back to breathing gently on Haruka's hands. Haruka couldn't read him at all. This was different than anything he'd ever seen, and he'd been with Makoto since pre-school.

They were only up for another thirty minutes. Makoto hadn't done anything special for himself regarding his chill and they went to bed. Makoto gave a tense "Good night," and Haru responded just the same. Five minutes passed, ten, another ten in total silence.

"...sorry."

Haruka spoke, but his apology fell on deaf ears. Makoto was asleep, breathing peacefully. Haruka sat up, watching his friend for a moment or two...he looked bothered, as if he were having an unpleasant dream. His cheeks were flushed from the cold, and even now his teeth were still chattering.

...their last Christmas as high-schoolers, and it'd ended up like this.

He lay back down, watching his friend and feeling the guilt rack higher and higher. He closed his eyes, forcing himself to sleep.

Makoto was leaving. Nagisa was leaving. Rin had already left once. Rei was definitely going somewhere.

Where would Haruka go? He couldn't stay in Iwatobi forever, at least, not without Makoto...half the reason he hadn't gone off with his parents was so that Makoto wouldn't be alone.

March was coming too fast. Graduation was in three months.

Makoto would go off to study education. He'd get a job in teaching. He'd meet new people, experience new things. And the thought that had made Haruka run out the door came back, only this time it made him feel sick to his stomach.

The thought of Makoto meeting someone special, spending time with them...smiling at them, sharing himself with them...it made Haruka horribly,  _horribly_  jealous. He'd be replaced in the blink of an eye...

And he felt terrible for feeling jealous. Makoto could do whatever he wanted, he was nearly a grown man. He wanted his friend to be happy...Haruka thought that, but there was a voice inside his mind murmuring things, awful things. Makoto had said they'd all keep in touch, no matter what...but that couldn't be true. Everyone grew up. They couldn't relive this year over and over. They could certainly have reunions, of course, and talk about their new lives, but it wouldn't be the same.

His stomach churned as he pictured Makoto in the future, a well-respected teacher, and by his side, Haruka's imagination conjured a young woman, blushing gently, yet...she had no face. He was smiling at her. The images continued.

Makoto walking with her along the ocean.

Makoto coming home to her having cooked dinner.

Makoto knowing exactly what she thinks without having to ask.

Makoto...

Haruka more or less leaped from the bed and stumbled to the bathroom, face hovering over the toilet, breathing shakily. This was too much. He thought he might explode.

What the hell  _was_  this? Everything was happening so fast. Too much. There was too much going on. He heaved a few times but nothing came up. After a few minutes, he left the bathroom and and headed back toward's his friend's room.

...his friend. They would still be friends, right? Even if Makoto got a job and-

He didn't think it. He refused to think it, or this time he really would throw up.

People could maintain friendships from high school. They did it all the time. Yes...nothing would change between he and Makoto. They would be the same forever, just...a bit farther away now. They could manage that.

...

Haruka thought this, but at the same time his heart was clenching.

He didn't want Makoto to leave.

He didn't want to be alone.

And for whatever reason, the thought of Makoto having someone else in his life made him feel ill.

To say Haruka Nanase fell sleep would be a lie. Rather, the boy tossed and turned for hours until finally, he somehow managed to tire himself out.


	2. A Piece of Paper Changes Everything

_Christmas, 2014_

It was a pure white Christmas in Iwatobi. The only other color that could be seen through all the snow was the vibrant, cold blue of the ocean, ever crashing against the sand. The skies were overcast, and the snow continued to come down fairly hard throughout the day.

Haruka and Makoto hadn't woken up on their own. No, that had been Ren and Ran's job at the absolute crack of dawn, both twins shouting excitedly over what day it was as they leaped onto the two teenagers. Haruka took most of the impact, but pretended like it hadn't hurt, whereas Makoto had grown so used to this treatment that he merely made a small "Oof" and smiled tiredly.

"We're awake, we're awake. Go out to the living room, alright? Haru and I will be there soon."

"Noooo, now, _now_! It's Christmas!"

The children began kicking their feet, whining and tugging on Haruka's sleeves. He watched them tiredly, ignoring Makoto's sheepish grin in his peripheral vision.

"Santa's probably started watching for next year..."

Haruka spoke his 'threat' softly,and the twins responded with a gasp. They quickly let go of the swimmer and hopped off the bed, scampering out to the living room in hopes that maybe Santa had been watching some other kids be naughty.

Makoto laughed and sat up, his joints popping gently as he stretched. He sneezed suddenly, and Haruka reached for a tissue and passed it off to his friend. Almost simultaneously a wash of guilt ran over him. If Makoto was sick, it was probably his fault, right? Running out in the snow like that...

"It'll be a shame when 'Santa' doesn't work anymore. How did you sleep?"

"Good enough."

It wasn't a complete lie. He'd slept after all, and it wasn't as if he was going to be doing anything strenuous today. If anything, today would consist of breakfast, lunch, and dinner at the Tachibana's, watching them open presents, and maybe a phone call to his own parents. Then he'd go back home...the day will have passed. So would the next day. They'd all pass, until, really, he'd have no real reason to come into this house again.

Makoto would be gone.

"Haru?"

He looked over to his friend, who was rubbing his eyes softly. Haruka had stayed over more times than he could count, so the sight of a sleepy Makoto wasn't new to him in the slightest.

"Merry Christmas."

Makoto blinked, a bit taken aback. After a moment, he smiled genuinely and nodded once, stifling a case of the sniffles.

"Merry Christmas, Haru."

Despite the conflicts darting about in Haruka's mind, he couldn't help but smile back.

. . .

From there, the day proceeded almost exactly as Haruka had predicted. The morning started off with the Tachibana children opening their presents. Makoto's mother had noticed immediately that her eldest son seemed under the weather, so Makoto was sitting a ways away from the younger children with a blanket over his shoulders and cup of hot tea. Again, Haruka felt rather guilty.

Ren and Ran were already bickering over sharing their new toys while Makoto held up a horizontal striped shirt, green and white, thanking his mother kindly. Mrs. Tachibana then looked in Haruka's direction and pointed gently under the Christmas tree, where a lone present wrapped in shiny blue paper lied in wait.

It contained a navy blue shirt, the same material as Makoto's, but with a white polka-dot pattern. The eldest son knew just how grateful Haruka was (the glimmer in his eyes told all) before the houseguest had said, "Thank you very much." Makoto's mother smiled brightly, and it was easy to see where her oldest son got it from.

"Your mother and father said they had a few things for you, but I didn't want you to go without at least one gift on Christmas day. To be honest, I bought it at the same time as Makoto's. I had a feeling you'd like it. You're very welcome, dear."

Haruka nodded, thanking her again as he folded up his new shirt neatly. He wouldn't be able to wear it until Spring, not without a jacket at least, but it was wonderful. He glanced up to see Makoto watching him with a smile, eyes and nose just bit puffy. The brunette made a small sound of happiness, and he went back to his own shirt, as well some various games and cards from relatives. Haruka watched him for a moment before smiling softly.

The Tachibana's were a loving, warm family, and one of the few groups of people Haruka felt completely comfortable around. Ren and Ran were like his own siblings at this point (and the twins certainly agreed), Mr. and Mrs. Tachibana were some of the kindest adults he'd ever met, more than willing to help Haruka in any way, and Makoto...well, Makoto was Makoto. They'd been together since...God, how long had it been now? At least pre-school, so fifteen years? Maybe sixteen? Sixteen years of connecting, sharing fears, helping through them, overcoming obstacles, friendship, opening up to others, in Haruka's case 

...

...sixteen _years_...

Somehow, he knew he'd still be welcome here even after Makoto left.

Now all he had to do was come to terms with that fact...

. . .

The snow fell even harder throughout the afternoon and evening, so much so that Mrs. Tachibana made the decision to keep her children indoors.

"Look what happened to your brother, and he didn't even go outside. You don't want to get sick, too, do you? 

The resulting groan of "But we _won't_ get sick!" made Haruka look over to his friend, who looked a bit flushed in the face, though he was smiling.

"Makoto, dear, why don't you go rest?"

Makoto's mother shuffled through a drawer until she found a small surgical mask and then handed it to her son. Makoto took it gently and strapped it onto his face, the twins giggling softly behind their hands.

"Haruka, sweetie, you're welcome to stay over again. I don't want you alone on Christmas. Do you want one, too?"

She extended another mask, to which Haruka politely declined, but he received one anyway.

"If you're going to sleep in Makoto's room, it'd be for the best. I won't settle for you on the sofa, and I certainly wouldn't ask you to share with Ren and Ran."

This caused the twins to explode with cries of "Can Big Brother Haru sleep with us!?" and "We'll be good!" Makoto's mother spoke an outright "No," and sent them on their way to their new toys.

Makoto turned to Haru, and Haru could tell just from his eyes that he was smiling, and also that he was tired. It was time to start winding down, it seemed.

The boys went off to Makoto's room, masks on, and sat for awhile, enjoying the quiet. It didn't take long for Makoto to get up and start a new game, and the two remained quiet for some time. Haruka's thumb would linger over the 'Start' button for moments at a time, itching to press it and say something, but he'd just continue playing as normal.

Suddenly the game paused, and Makoto turned around to look at him from his bundles of blankets on the floor. 

"I'm sorry."

Haruka blinked. What on earth was Makoto sorry for?

"Last night...I shouldn't have said so much. I didn't mean to surprise you like that...sorry, Haru."

He was smiling under that mask, but Haruka could see something else there...something wasn't right. The swimmer stared blankly at his friend before murmuring "It's fine."

"...I'm sorry you're sick."

Makoto's eyes widened. Even though it'd been a year, he still hadn't gotten used to Haruka expressing himself. He didn't let it show for long though, and he smiled again. A silent 'thank you.' Haruka could see that he wasn't being blamed.

The game's music returned suddenly as Makoto unpaused, and the two went back to playing.

Haruka felt ashamed of himself. He'd gotten Makoto sick, he'd made Makoto feel bad about wanting to go after his dreams, and worst of all, he'd made Makoto feel bad _for Haruka_. Haruka was the one _causing_ all this trouble; Ran and Ren hadn't gotten to play in the snow today, Makoto's mother was worried about illness...

Haruka paused the game, which made Makoto turn around, a rather surprised look in his eyes. A moment passed as a million words flew through Haruka's mind, more apologies, his _real_ thoughts on the matter of his best friend leaving, something, anything.

He pressed 'Start,' resuming the game and breaking eye contact with his friend. There was only so much he could say and do at once without getting embarrassed.

"...you'll be a good teacher."

That would have to do, at least for now. He didn't need to look at Makoto to know exactly what he looked like...just like before, the last time he'd opened up. Makoto probably...no, not probably. There wasn't a doubt that Makoto looked astonished right now.

The next thing Haruka heard was the musical sound of his friend's tired laughter filling the room. He tensed up immediately, and the urge to go for a run filled him again, but he wouldn't. Not again.

How many more times would he hear that laugh before it was gone?

The game was paused again, only this time for good as Makoto saved and turned off the console. He turned to Haruka, smiling with his eyes.

"We should get to bed." 

Haruka nodded and began straightening out the covers, already sitting on the mattress, as it was his preferred spot for game-playing. He stood, not even having to gesture for Makoto to take his spot before the other boy moved to it. Haruka watched his friend get comfortable, waiting until Makoto was fully settled before going to the light switch. Tonight's moon was nearly the same, only this time with even more snow to reflect into the room. He quietly stepped towards the bed, slipping under the covers and getting comfortable with as little noise as possible. Makoto was breathing slowly, muffled a bit by the mask...was he asleep already?

Haruka sighed, staring at the ceiling. It'd been about twenty-four hours since Makoto's bombshell...if he could call it that. Was it _really_ that horrible an event? Makoto would be leaving, but he'd be leaving to be successful...that was a good thing. The best thing, really.

...he was telling himself the same things over and over again. Truth be told, his real feelings were rather selfish.

What would he do when Makoto was gone? Would Haruka manage to get by? They'd been together almost their entire lives...if it weren't for Makoto, he wouldn't have joined the Iwatobi Swim Club back in elementary school. He would've never met Rin, or Nagisa, definitely not Rei. 

...where would Haruka _be_ today without Makoto? With his mother and father in Tokyo? Would he even be a swimmer?

Another thought struck, this one rather painful when he considered his other friends; who would Haruka swim with now? He certainly couldn't use the high school pools anymore. Graduates couldn't just waltz in claiming 'joint practice.' And Makoto would be gone...even Rin would be off somewhere doing something. Nagisa and Rei would still be in school...

"Haru...?"

Haruka turned his head, flinching slightly at what he saw. Makoto had turned to face him at some point; Haruka had been so lost in his own thoughts he hadn't even noticed. His friend looked exhausted, his eyes hardly open and his cheeks flushed, and his voice was sore. Even in the dark, Haruka could see the cold beads of sweat on Makoto's forehead, and he nearly acted upon a sudden overwhelming need to wipe it away. He couldn't see his friend's mouth, but he could certainly hear Makoto breathing a bit harder than normal.

Guilt. Total guilt.

Haruka waited for Makoto to say more; clearly he had something to say. Something he'd wanted to look directly at Haruka for. That wasn't exactly a thing they tended to do, at least not while in bed, considering how close they were already; being face-to-face would put them only inches away from one another, which was exactly what was happening now. Haruka was so consumed by Makoto's illness, he just couldn't look away.

Makoto panted for a few more moments, eyes shifting, examining his friend's expression before slowly...quietly...he fell asleep. Just like that. Haruka stared at him, almost in shock. What the _hell_ was that!? He had no place to be frustrated, but Makoto had been about to say something, and he'd just fallen asleep!?

Haruka found he couldn't look away now because...he just couldn't look away. Makoto was sleeping less than four inches from his face, which wasn't unusual at all, but Haruka had never taken the chance to, for lack of a better word, observe him. There had been that time a year ago where Makoto had waited up for him after he'd lost the race with Rin, but that had been just him. Haru had needed to speak to him then; this was Makoto sleeping as he should be, minus being ill. 

. . . 

He gently ghosted his sleeve over Makoto's forehead, wiping the sweat from his brow. His friend flinched very slightly, but didn't wake up. Haruka breathed a silent sigh of relief, being careful not to breathe too hard, lest that bother Makoto, too 

...Rei would probably think that Makoto slept beautifully. Even with the mask covering most his face, and even with his soft, shallow breaths, something about Makoto's sleeping face was very...enrapturing. His expression was completely relaxed, and if it weren't for his sniffles, Haruka knew he'd be breathing much more softly. Makoto didn't snore; even hearing him pant like this was rather 'noisy' for him, but that was fine. It was perfectly human. He couldn't see his friend's mouth what with the mask, but he knew his lips would be parted just slightly.

...Rei would definitely think that Makoto was beautiful when he slept. Probably the most beautiful person.. 

"Haru..."

Haruka stiffened as Makoto suddenly sighed his name breathlessly, stirring slightly in his sleep before falling still and silent once again.

. . .

Damn it all. 

He just needed to sleep. No more thinking about guilt or the future or what could have been, nothing like that. Haruka forced himself to turn back to the ceiling, breaking his gaze with Makoto and sighing deeply, the sound making a slight noise against his own mask.

This was stupid.

. . . 

_March, 2015_

Another stupid thing was how the time suddenly decided to pick up tempo. Christmas turned to New Years (yet another night at the Tachibana's, only this time with a much healthier Makoto), New Years turned to Valentine's Day (Nagisa had made everyone chocolate; it was so awful and bitter, but only Rei had had the heart to eat every last bite), and Valentine's Day turned to White Day (Nagisa received quite the haul from his friends).

Now it was a week from graduation. The girls were already feeling nostalgic and teary-eyed while the boys were masking their feelings by talking about how they couldn't wait to get out of the small town. The Swim Club held daily meetings, even though it was far too early in the year to actually swim. Normally that wouldn't have stopped Haruka, but Makoto had gently reminded him that being sick for graduation wouldn't be a good thing at all. 

Rather, the meetings were about the future. Gou had been having the boys sit in a semi-circle near the edge of the pool, far enough to be safe, but close enough for Haruka to at least dip his hand in the water every so often. Ms. Amakata was off in her shaded chair, par usual. They would discuss plans for the next competition, new training regimens for Nagisa and Rei, and at one point a few days ago, Nagisa had hung back to speak to Gou in private.

Today was the last day for senior students. When the bell rang at the end of the day, all graduates would officially be off the roster and would begin preparations for their graduation ceremony. Nagisa, Rei, and Gou still had a few more days. This would be Haruka and Makoto's last day as high-schoolers.

The manager looked as if she was fighting tears as she avoided looking directly at Haruka and Makoto. She looked skyward suddenly, choosing to focus on no one in particular. Rei and Nagisa gave each other a worried look; the latter himself wasn't exactly in the best shape either.

"As we all know...this is the last meeting the Iwatobi Swim Club will have with it's Captain and Vice Captain."

Her voice hitched for a moment, and everyone was dead quiet as they waited for her to continue. Saying goodbye to friends was one thing, but she'd attended _Samezuka's_ graduation ceremony only two days ago. Rin was a graduate now, already talking about moving to Tokyo to continue training for the Olympics. There wasn't any doubt that Gou was feeling just a bit overwhelmed.

"Today, we will be saying goodbye, as well as choosing the new Captain."

Haruka watched her silently, then looked over to Makoto. His friend was smiling, yes, but it looked something bittersweet, an expression that matched Nagisa's. Rei looked as if he might burst into tears at any moment. Even from a distance, Ms. Amakata seemed blue. She stood from her chair, umbrella in hand, and wandered over to the students, watching silently from her shadow.

This somber attitude wasn't like them at all. Nagisa should be laughing, pushing Rei into the pool. Gou should be timing them. Makoto...

" _Farewell, Haruka Nanase! Makoto Tachibana_!" 

Gou shouted very suddenly, eyes shut as her voice hitched again. Everyone flinched, but no one reprimanded her for startling them. Nagisa was the first to react, blubbering Haruka and Makoto's respective nicknames before launching himself over in a hug. Rei did the same, but less sporadically, a bit more cautious. Gou joined the jumble of bodies, sobbing quietly while Ms. Amakata dropped her umbrella and embraced them all gently, murmuring motherly "There there's" and "It's alright's" while also going misty-eyed. This was her first group, after all. 

Haruka let himself be hugged by everyone, feeling a bit bad that he wasn't letting himself be affected. He was going to miss them, yes. There would probably be days he would miss everyone terribly. Right now, though, it just...it didn't seem real. None of this seemed real.

Makoto was laughing quietly, eyes closed and doing his best to hug everyone despite being in the epicenter of this tangled mess. Haruka looked to him, knowing that his friend was welling up, too.

...was something just wrong with him? 

Finally, they all unlatched from one another. Rei was a hiccuping mess, which Nagisa teased him lightly for even though there were also tears in the blonde's own eyes. Ms. Amakata was still trying to calm Gou down, stooped down to her level and rubbing her back a bit. Makoto spoke gently, using the perfect tone for anyone in distress.

"Gou. Would you like me to-?"

"Mm-hm"

Gou nodded immediately, tucking her knees close to her chest. Makoto smiled, looking over to Nagisa and Rei. The two underclassmen tensed...or at least Rei did. Nagisa's gaze was fixed on his friend. Makoto cleared his throat, fighting a small bit of emotion, and spoke.

"After speaking with Gou, evaluating performance, drive, and talent, as well as possession of pure fighting spirit...we've reached a decision."

There were a few beats of silence before he spoke again. Gou and Rei were fixated on the ground. Haruka stared at Makoto, wondering how he managed to keep himself together. Makoto wasn't a crybaby, but in cases like this, he tended to get emotional. He commanded so much authority, and yet he was still one of the kindest people he'd ever met.

"Rei Ryugazaki, as the Captain of the Iwatobi Swim Club, do you promise to uphold the-

" _What_!?"

Rei nearly screamed in disbelief, and Nagisa held back a laugh. Makoto smiled warmly.

"You've improved the most out of all of us, and you've shown real determination in swimming. It only makes sense."

"You deserve it the most, Rei-chan."

Rei's dumbfounded gaze turned to Nagisa beside him, who was smiling sheepishly, tears welled up in his eyes. He'd spoken so honestly... 

Makoto continued, watching Rei's shock turn to tears, his shoulders shaking from holding back.

"Do you promise to uphold the standards and rules for all future members?"

"Y-yes."

"Do you promise to lead all future members with patience and understanding?"

"I do."

"Do you promise to let the Vice Captain be in charge for a whole day?" 

"I d-... _N-Nagisa_!"

The blonde laughed through the quiet tears streaming down his face. It had been worth a shot. Gou had ended up giggling, so it ended up being worth quite a lot more. Makoto grinned, happy to have a lighter mood now. Haruka watched, utterly amazed at the display his friends were giving.

"Do your best then, Captain Rei." 

Rei shifted his sitting and bowed deeply, head nearly touching the concrete as he shouted that yes, he would do his best as the new Captain of the Iwatobi Swim Club. Nagisa tackled him, shouting about how he, as the Vice Captain, would also do his best to make sure Rei wouldn't go power-hungry, to which the new Captain exclaimed that that wouldn't happen. Makoto laughed, Gou giggled again, and even Haruka cracked a smile.

...there. Things seemed a bit normal.

It would dawn on him the next morning, however, that there was no school, just graduation practice. He'd have the revelation, of course, that he wasn't going to get to swim with Captain Rei and Vice Captain Nagisa. 

And the damning final thought as he walked on stage one week later and received his diploma, cameras flashing from the Tachbana's and his own parents, Makoto in line a ways behind him smiling brightly, proudly, was that all of this...everything was now his past.

Memories.

Fun, high-school memories.

He was a high school graduate.

He'd at least have Makoto for two more months.

And then...

 . . .

...and then what?


	3. One Last Splash

_April, 2015_

From the day after the end of the beginning of their lives, they were inseparable. Not that that was anything new.

Makoto and Haruka spent every day together. They would go for walks, wait up for Rei and Nagisa after school, and of course, they swam, thanks to the help of Rin. Samezuka's pool became far more accessible now that he and Haru had gotten their issues straightened out.

But then school grew more demanding for the underclassmen, what with finals to study for and new regimens to come up with and waiting for new members to join the swim team...it was quiet. Haruka had grown far too used to the strong laughter of his friends, even though Makoto's 'silence' was always comforting.

The future was creeping up like death. There had been days where Makoto had had to do very important business. Scholarship essays to write, financial aid, etc. Haruka supposed he himself ought to be doing those sorts of things...and had, but not with much vigor or enthusiasm. He still didn't even know what he wanted to do, or where he wanted to go.

...well, he knew where he wanted to go, but that didn't seem to be an option.

Then a day came when the boys were just relaxing in Makoto's home. A normal day. A very calm, peaceful, grateful day for Haruka. He needed days like this, where he could just...forget life and enjoy it for a moment or two. Makoto was beside him on the sofa, talking idly about something or another. They'd played a game or two and cooked and generally had a nice time. Makoto hadn't mentioned the future at all, and that was just perfect.

If he could repeat that day over and over, he'd do it in a heartbeat, because after that came the busiest days. Makoto only had a month to go. At one point he'd left Iwatobi to visit the campus for some sort of orientation. He'd offered for Haruka to come along, but he'd turned it down. It was an overnight venture. Makoto wasn't down the road. Rei and Nagisa were busy.

He thought for a moment about texting Rin, but he was probably busy, too.

. . .

For the first time in his life, Haruka felt genuinely lonely.

. . . .

_May, 2015_

' _Let's swim tonight_.'

That was the mass text Haruka had sent out on their last night together. Tonight was the night. Makoto would be leaving for Kyoto in the morning. Rei and Nagisa and Gou still had a bit of school left, and Rin was leaving for Tokyo sometime in the next week.

Haruka had been accepted to a private college in Hokkaido. It had been the first school to come up on a list of decent universities, good programs, solid alumni...and it had a pool. What would he being going there to study? He still didn't know. College couldn't be that different from high school, right? Four years of studying and following rules...it wouldn't be any different at all. Haruka would leave later this month and be on his way to...somewhere.

Makoto wouldn't be there, though.

He pushed that thought back as his phone buzzed to life, multiple messages coming through.

. . .

' _I'll be there, Haruka-senpai! And I'll bring Big Bro_! _^ - ^_ '

. . .

 _'My sister told me before I even got your message. Fine. I'm guessing your pool_?'

. . .

' _Haru-chan~_!(つД`)ノ _I've missed you!! I'll be there_!!'

. . .

' _Haruka-senpai...isn't that breaking and entering..._? _Though I suppose it'll be fine_...'

. . .

' _Of course, Haru_. _See you tonight._ (^ ^)'

. . .

Haruka read and reread his friend's messages, smiling to himself at the unanimous confirmation. He responded quickly with a time, a place, and thanks you's before snapping his phone shut and standing from his sofa. Only a few hours left; he needed to change.

After tonight, everything would be different.

. . . .

Haruka had arrived thirty minutes prior to when he'd told everyone (around ten), but after sneaking over the fence and getting to the pool, he saw that he wasn't alone.

Makoto was swimming the backstroke. He didn't seem to be doing it as practice, but rather to just do it. There was a relaxed way his body was moving that made him seem comfortable, or at least it seemed that way to Haruka. He watched his friend for awhile before stepping closer to the edge, where Makoto finally noticed him. The brunette came to a stop, smiling happily up at his friend, who had begun removing his clothing.

"You wanted to be early, too?"

Haruka nodded and sat down, letting his legs dangle freely in the water, feeling the water soak through his suit before sliding in fully. Makoto smiled and went back to swimming, moving away from Haruka, only to come back, and then leave again.

How long had he been here, waiting for someone to show up? Had he known Haruka would be here before anyone? Probably so.

The time passed slowly for once, mercifully so, the boys swimming in silence until-

"Haru-chan! Mako-chan!"

" _Nagisa_ - _kun_ , keep your voice _down_!"

"Hey, the both of you knock it off..."

"Sorry we're late! I wanted to bring food!"

They had all arrived as a group. Nagisa led the pack, shouting happily as he dragged Rei over the fence. The taller boy was looking around frantically, as if expecting to be arrested at any moment. Rin and Gou followed suit, with Rin helping his younger sister over the fence very carefully.

"Yo."

Rin nodded to Haruka in the pool, who nodded back. Makoto gave a more formal "Hello, everyone," as the gang settled in.

"I baked cookies! See? They look like fish!"

Gou revealed the Tupperware dish filled with deliciously warm sweets, to which Nagisa wondered aloud how she'd had time to make them so quickly.

"Big bro helped me."

All eyes turned to Rin, who merely looked away and muttered "It was nothing" under his breath as he started changing, jacket hitting the ground first. He and Haruka had shared the same idea of wearing suits under their clothes, and he was in the water with a smooth dive within moments.

Nagisa and Rei went off to change in the boy's locker room while Gou went to the girl's side, which had gone completely untouched since the club's re-inception. She emerged in a simple black one-piece with a small amount of white frill on the bust, and she hopped into the water, gracefully floating toward her brother with an excited smile on her face. It wasn't often she got to swim with him, after all

Nagisa came bolting out with a loud cheer and an enormous splash, his cannonball provoking a few surprised shouts as now _everyone_ was thoroughly wet. He came up laughing, and everyone else couldn't help but laugh along.

Rei came outside next, still tense and looking around in mild fear.

"Hey, Speedo-Glasses, we haven't got all night."

"Come on, Rei-chan! Jump in, already!"

"It'll be alright, Rei."

It was Makoto's kind reassurance that finally prompted Rei into the pool slowly, gently, and as quietly as he could.

"Forgive me, I was only trying to find a means of escape should we get caught. I'm _already_ guilty of sneaking out past curfew..."

He shot Nagisa a glare, indicating that he was to blame. Nagisa splashed him directly in the face and laughed.

"What do you mean!? We're not gonna get caught!"

"If you keep yelling, we will!"

"Boo, Rei-chan, you're no fun!"

And the night had begun. Rei and Nagisa were busy having a splash fight, bickering over who would get who caught. Gou was perfectly content with bobbing around and going underwater, and occasionally her gaze would fix on Rei, or rather, his arms.

Makoto was swimming alone, but he wasn't isolating himself. If anyone approached, he'd gladly make conversation, but for the most part, he was...staying to himself. Not initiating. Haruka found it very odd, and it seemed he wasn't the only one.

"He's gonna miss us."

Rin had swam beside Haruka and spoke quietly. Haruka turned to his 'rival' and stared for a moment before looking back to Makoto.

"That's why he's not acting right. You know that, right?"

"Yeah."

Rin sighed, wiping some hair out of his face as he did so.

"What'd he say he was gonna do?"

"Teach."

"Right, right. Damn. He oughta come to Tokyo with me...you all should."

He looked to Haruka with a toothy grin.

"We'd make one hell of an Olympic relay team, right?"

"..."

Haruka didn't answer, looking back to his friend, who was swimming alone. He didn't mean to ignore Rin, but it had happened, and now Rin had clucked his tongue in annoyance.

"It's not like you won't see him again. You know he'll come back for like, Christmas and shit. This whole thing's kinda overdramatic."

He gestured to their fellow friends in the pool, the laughter, this fond memory in the making. Haruka looked over it all, but then went back to Makoto, sitting on Rin's words. That's right. He'd come back to visit. Makoto wouldn't just vanish. And there were phones, right?

"It's overdramatic, but...good call, Haru."

"...thanks."

Rin smiled but then scowled as he swam towards Nagisa, shouting, "Hey, don't splash my sister so much!" as Gou exclaimed that she was perfectly fine. Nagisa laughed and started swimming away. The chase was on.

Haruka swam over to Makoto, who was laughing gently at the display.

"Hey."

"Hey..."

There was only a moment of silence before Makoto spoke, successfully reading the atmosphere Haruka had brought over.

"It's really happening, isn't it?"

Haruka nodded, eyes not wandering from Rin chasing after Nagisa like a shark after a seal. Gou kept trying to intervene, but to no avail.

"I packed all of my things a few days ago, including my bed. It's going to be a long drive."

Stop.

"I met my roommate during the orientation. He seems nice. I hope we'll get along."

Stop.

"They said pets aren't allowed in dorms, so I can't bring the fish with me..."

"Makoto."

It was only when Haruka spoke, and much louder than usual, that Makoto looked over to his friend, who wasn't looking at him. The brunette noticed the tension in Haruka's jaw, the way he was facing their friends, but not really focusing on anything...and then there were Haruka's hands.

. . .

"Sorry. I got ahead of myself."

Makoto smiled, pretending not to notice. Haruka knew he had, though. Of course he had.

Then there was more silence, save for the chaos of friendship just a few feet away. Haruka hated this silence. This was the silence he wasn't used to in their relationship; it was awkward, as if they were two teenagers that were expected to get along simply because they were the same age. He hated that he was feeling this way with Makoto, the last person he'd ever expect to feel it around.

...at least they were all together. One last night of true friendship. Makoto might be acting strangely, but at least he was here. At least Rin was here, back to normal. Nagisa, Rei, and Gou...their future was bright, shining like the ocean. Haruka's? He didn't know. He honestly didn't care.

. . .

"Haru, I-"

" _Hey_! What the hell are you kids doing in there!?"

Makoto was suddenly interrupted by a man's voice. _Everything_ was interrupted by a man's voice. Dead silence fell over the pool as everyone's head whipped over to see an officer peering through the fence, flashlight in hand.

. . .

" _Run_!"

Nagisa shouted, leaping towards the wall of the pool before everyone essentially followed suit in a mad scramble to, well, run. Rin was out before anyone else, reaching for Gou's hand and helping her up.

"Stay close, okay?"

"Okay!"

The siblings were followed quickly by Nagisa and Rei, the latter of whom was in the middle of a panic attack as he hurried out of the water alongside his friend. Nagisa grabbed his hand and bolted for the far fence.

Rin had already boosted Gou over and was now climbing himself. However, he stopped, hopping down and immediately sprinting to the locker rooms. When he came back, he had a small pink bag in hand as well as a pair of sneakers, which he tossed over along with his own jacket, telling her to hurry. They would be running, and even if it was night, there was no way he could allow his little sister to go sprinting in a bathing suit with no shoes on. Gou nodded and hurriedly covered herself.

Makoto and Haruka were lifting themselves out when they heard a clatter. The officer had started climbing on his side, shouting "Wait!" when he was halfway up. The two boys looked to each other quickly and moved to everyone's belongings, forgotten in the mad dash for safety. They threw on their own jackets, fumbling with their shoes as they headed for the fence.

"Nagisa!"

Makoto tossed a pile of clothes carefully over the fence, the blonde catching it with ease.

"Got 'em, Mako-chan!"

"Haru!"

Makoto gestured for Haruka to hurry. He nodded and started climbing, Makoto right beside him, nearly in sync as they reached the top and hopped down, all of them safe in this very small moment.

"Where are we going?"

Rin spoke hurriedly, grip tightening on his sister's hand. The Samezuka jacket was like a dress on her, and her eyes were wide with fright. Rei was clutching Nagisa's wrist out of pure terror, and Haruka was glancing behind them. The officer wasn't anywhere to be seen...they needed to hurry.

There was only a moment's beat before Makoto spoke under his breath.

"The gazebo by the ocean. It's close. Everyone stay together..."

They all nodded in unison, accepting Makoto's orders and then...bolted off into the night, ignoring the shouts of " _Get back here_!" that were fading off behind them. Rei was dragging Nagisa now, his literal track record taking it's moment to shine as he ended up being the one leading the group. Rin was only running as fast as Gou could, not wanting to have her end up tripping.

Haruka was breathing hard, never having run this fast in his life. This was truly a fight or flight moment, and they were all _soaring_. It only took one moment where he'd misstepped and nearly fell, and suddenly his hand was occupied. Makoto had snatched it, said "Come on!" and pulled him along.

The adrenaline was incredible. The air was cold on his hair and face, almost stinging as he ran, destination known, yet seeming foreign due to the darkness. Did everyone feel like that? Probably not Rei; he was probably thinking about how he could get expelled.

Haruka's eyes flickered to Makoto and-

. . .

Makoto was grinning. No mask, no filter. There was pure happiness showing from his friend, just like it ought to be.

Haruka stared in total awe, only snapping out of it when he heard Rin yell "Up ahead!"

The path turned to dirt as they ran, not stopping until they finally made it, collapsing on the seats, panting, struggling to catch their breath.

They were safe.

. . .

"Heehee..."

Gou giggled. A very tired giggle, but she giggled. And when she giggled, so did Nagisa. And after Nagisa went Makoto, and soon the entire group, even Haruka, was laughing so hard they were crying. It was moment of pure joy, pure fun as they laughed, sides splitting, loud, tears streaming down their faces. Rin could hardly stand up anymore, and Nagisa was leaning against Rei for support, which was no good because Rei looked about to fall off the seat, and Makoto and Haruka were against each other's backs, supporting one another carefully.

"D-did you see Rei-chan _run_!? I could barely keep up!"

"I'm sorry, I was scared!"

"I can't...Big Bro, my heart's still racing!"

"H-Haru...ah... _ahaha_!"

The back Haruka was against had started shaking, and the laughter had calmed down to a level where something had captured everyone's attention. Haruka sat up and turned around to properly see his best friend.

He was laughing, wearing the biggest smile Haruka had ever seen him smile, and tears were running down his cheeks like waterfalls. Everyone's eyes were on him, watching him sob quietly in a mixture of joy and sorrow.

"...I love you all. Thank you...thank you so much."

Less than a second passed before everyone, even Rin, tackled Makoto in a tearful, loving embrace. The laughter was still going quietly, a few sobs mixed in, and everyone was speaking all at once.

"Mako-chan! _Mako-chan_! I love you, too!"

"Makoto-senpai...I'll be the best Captain I can be, for you!"

"You guys are so dumb...blubbering like babies."

Rin was certainly one to talk, as he had tears in his eyes, not looking at anyone in particular.

"Big Bro, don't! Makoto-senpai...do your best! Come back and visit, okay?"

Gou smiled, hiccuping slightly from her laughter and tears.

Haruka said nothing. He didn't need to...but he wanted to. But what on earth could he possibly say without breaking? He knew if he did, he would. There would be no avoiding it. The time was going fast again, and this time it was ticking to the end.

They all stayed like that for a long while, hugging and crying before someone's phone buzzed.

"Gou. Mom says she wants us back. It's still a school night for you."

"Oh...right...okay."

She peeled herself away from the team she'd managed for two years and smiled shakily.

"Good night everyone. Thank you."

She bowed and turned to her brother, who was looking at Makoto with a small smile. He extended his hand, to which Makoto stood and took it firmly.

"Thanks for everything. Good luck."

"You, too, Rin."

Rin smirked, squeezing his friend's hand tight before letting go.

"Don't need it, but thanks."

Gou sniffled, and Makoto's response was to open his arms in a hug. The girl ran into him and held tight, a fresh wave of emotions cascading over her as she said goodbye. Makoto held her gently and only let go when _she_ started to.

"Take care. See you two tomorrow. Good night, Haruka-senpai."

Rin and Haru exchanged a small smile. That was all they needed. No doubt they'd hear from each other again.

Gou took her brother's hand and off they went, walking off the night. Rei looked at his watch and mumbled something about curfew. It was still a school night...he'd completely forgotten.

"We'd best be off, too."

"Bye!"

Nagisa brought both Makoto and Haruka into a hug, which Rei joined in very quickly.

"Come back and see us, okay!? The both of you! You have to see us be Captain and Vice Captain, okay? You have to come see us at a tournament, okay!?"

"We will, we will."

Haruka nodded stoically. He'd do his best.

"Goodnight! Good luck! I love you guys!"

"Nagisa-kun, _wait_!"

The blonde had run off without Rei, and Makoto and Haruka watched the two of them dart off, heading for home, to bed, and high school the next morning.

The next morning, Makoto would be gone.

The two graduates sat in silence under the gazebo, the moon full and shining on the black ocean. Haruka turned to his friend, who was smiling out at the water, eyes closed, looking totally at peace.

"...thank you, Haru."

The wind blew lightly towards them, sending a chill up Haruka's back. Or maybe it was Makoto's quiet gratitude. Either way, that breaking point was coming.

"Let's go home."

Haruka nodded, and they both stood, walking toward home. Walking home together for the last time. He felt an alarming need to take Makoto's hand, the way used to do when they were in primary school, but that would seem strange at their age now, wouldn't it?

They walked, quiet, the only sounds coming from insects and their footsteps. After awhile, they were walking up the stone stairs, and finally, standing in front of Makoto's house.

The two stared at the house for a long while. Haruka broke his gaze to look at Makoto, seeing that he looked close to tears again.

"...Haru..."

Here it comes.

The break was coming.

"...I'm scared."

Makoto looked to his best friend, smiling but voice shaking.

"I'm scared out of my mind."

He looked back to his house, then up the stone stairs, then back the way they'd came...everything he'd ever known was here in Iwatobi. Finally, he looked back to Haruka.

"I don't want to go...but I do, you know? I'll miss everyone...but I really want to do this. I'll miss my family, and the swim team, and...and I'll miss you."

Snap.

Haruka's arms went around his best friend's body, holding him so tightly he was afraid he might break in him two. He got a response of " _Haru_!?" before a beat of silence. Then Haruka felt Makoto cover him with his embrace, shoulders shaking. He was crying again.

And so was Haruka, only his were silent. Makoto knew, of course; Haruka's hands were shaking again, just like in the pool, only he hadn't allowed himself to let go back then.

They stood there, cradling each other for a long while. It felt like an eternity before they let go, staring at each and trying to recover. That was impossible.

"Haru..."

Makoto took Haruka's hands, just wanting that awful trembling to stop. It didn't.

"I'll come back and visit. I'll call, text, everything. We'll go see their tournaments, right?"

"...right."

"And we'll...we'll..."

Makoto trailed off, voice fading as he tightened his grip on Haruka. He smiled, fighting off new tears as he spoke.

"I'll do my best if you do, too."

Haru nodded once, earnestly, heart clenching.

There were so many words. So many words and so many ways of putting them together to tell Makoto exactly how he felt, but none of them were good enough. How much he'd miss him, how he was terrified of the future, how he'd been making himself sick with anxiety lately, how much he cared about him, how much-

"I-"

Haruka's breath caught in his throat, and he grew silent. Makoto watched him for a moment before smiling warmly.

"I'll miss you, too, Haru."

No.

No that wasn't what he'd been about to say. Makoto always knew what Haruka was going to say. What was going on?

"Thank you for everything."

He was crying. Again. Haruka stood stock still, allowing himself to be hugged, cried on, and he hugged Makoto back.

...that...would have to do, he supposed. The words weren't coming.

"...goodnight, Haru."

"Goodnight."

And for the last time, they parted ways towards their homes. Haruka climbed the stone stairs, stepped inside his house, and locked the door behind him.

Silence. Total silence.

His acceptance letter lay on the floor near his bed. He told himself he'd start packing tomorrow, but it was going to wait.

Haruka climbed into bed and laid himself down, staring at the ceiling, empty and white.

The bottle had broken, and now everything inside had spilled out, every thought, every word, every little thing he could've, should've, would've said. It was two in the morning. Haruka reached for his phone, mentally drained as he began composing a message.

. . .

' _Don't be afraid. You'll make friends who'll help you. You'll do great, Makoto_.'

. . .

He set it aside, not expecting a response this late...or...early, whatever. He just wanted to sleep.

But then his phone buzzed, and Haruka whipped it open.

. . .

' _No one will be as good a friend as you, Haru_.'

. . .

Haruka stared at the screen for a long, long time. He sent a simple goodnight, and received one, along with another 'thank you,' before he decided enough was enough.

. . .

He cried. Quiet sobs filled the empty house long into the night. Haruka cried as if he'd never cried before, until finally he was too tired to do so, his pillow spotted with tears, eyes red and puffy.

He passed out, knowing then when he woke up, Makoto would be truly gone for the first time in their lives.


	4. A Touch of Heartache

_August, 2015_

Haruka was struggling.

The day Makoto left had been quiet. So damn quiet. Nagisa, Rei, and Gou were busy at school, Rin was busy packing for Tokyo, and Haruka found absolutely nothing to do. He didn't swim, he didn't eat, and he didn't speak, not that the last quality was much more different from a normal day.

Months had passed since then, and he found himself visiting the Tachibana's more and more. He was always welcomed, and occasionally he would receive news about Makoto, which was nice, considering Makoto's texts were becoming less and less frequent.

At first, it had been as if he'd never left; Haruka's phone became Makoto, a constant companion that seemed to buzz whenever something happened. As if it knew how Haruka was feeling and knew what to say...

Now, it was less than two messages a day, if even one. Haruka tried his best to not be a bother, to not send more than one, but sometimes it was hard enough to even think of something to say. What was there to say when there was nothing going on? He was almost ashamed by it; this time last year, there had been so much happening, almost too much, and then the year before...

There was nothing but his university now, and there was nothing about it that he wanted to share with Makoto.

College was nothing like high school. The atmosphere was completely different; Haruka didn't know a single person, not one. Crowds of people, classrooms filled with them, and not one of them turned to him to speak. There was no one he wanted to approach. He'd chosen nothing but his required academics for the first semester, mostly because he had no clue what he wanted to major in yet...another eighteen weeks and he'd probably know...

Haruka only realized how serious his situation was when he found his dorm...and roommate. A young man, tall, black hair. Kenichi Maeba. He seemed friendly. They'd shaken hands, and that was about as far as they got as acquaintances. At first, he'd tried getting Haruka out more, but after weeks of constant refusal, they ended up not speaking at all. Haruka had his side of the room, and Kenichi had his.

There were typically only four places Haruka went to on campus; his classes, the cafeteria (if there was absolutely nothing left in the room, of course), his room, and the pool.

Every night, usually after dinner, Haruka would go to the pool, and if it was empty, he'd swim for hours. He'd think, contemplate his choices, and sometimes, Makoto would come to mind. He'd drift lazily through the water and close his eyes, and he could swear he could hear the laughter of his friends echoing around.

A new sound bounced around the pool, a ringtone. Haruka surfaced and climbed out of the pool, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't hoping it was Makoto. After drying his hands hurriedly, he flipped open the phone.

 _'Hi, sweetheart. Haven't heard from you in awhile, how are you_? _We'll send you a check next week, and that should get you through next month. Have you thought about finding a job_? _Every little bit helps. Love you_!'

Mom.

Haruka sent a very brief response, a hi, that he was fine, a thank you, and that he would try. After sending it, he snapped it shut and tossed it gently onto his pile of clothes, turning back and diving into the pool, letting the cold water completely submerge him.

A job. He'd need one of those soon. Where would he even work? There was a convenience store nearby...Haruka didn't really want to work in a convenience store though. He really didn't want to work much of anywhere; he hardly wanted to be here as it was.

. . .

The water broke as he came up for air, gasping quietly.

This was enough for tonight. He needed to get back to his room.

Haruka clambered out of the pool, gathered his things and dressed (he didn't care if his pants got a bit wet from his jammers), and left straight for his dorm. He didn't speak to anyone, or look to anyone, and no one looked to him.

Kenichi wasn't there when he got back. Probably with his girlfriend; Haruka knew that much about him...it must be nice, having someone who wanted to be around you, and wanting to be around them.

. . .

Haruka opened Makoto's contact for the first time in about a week and began tapping out a message. Nothing but a simple ' _Hey_.' He stared at the screen for a moment, his thumb hovering above the ' _Send_ ' button, drifting over to ' _Abort_ ,' the next moment.

Eventually he hit send, and the small animation of an envelope flying off filled the screen. He set it aside quietly and lied back on his bed, staring at the twenty-two ceiling tiles above him.

...Makoto had told him a month or so ago that he'd be busy, and that he wouldn't have that much free time anymore. Haruka empathized; he'd never dreamed of having so much homework to do, and he was considered undecided in major. Makoto went in with teaching in mind, an actual career plan. He was probably swamped, which was good...that was good, if he wanted to learn more.

The phone buzzed, and Haruka was embarrassed to say he all but leaped to retrieve it.

' _Hi, Haru_. =) _How are you_?'

Just like that, the past few weeks of isolation seemed like nothing, and a newfound energy filled him as he responded.

' _I'm fine. I'm not bothering you_ , _am I_?'

' _No, you're fine. I'm in the middle of an essay, but I've been meaning to take a break. I'm either sleeping or working these days, haha_. ^^'

Haruka smiled softly; it was like he was right here. He could see his smiling face as he joked, and hear that gentle laugh.

' _I miss y_ '

...whoah. Haruka hadn't even been thinking. His thumb pounded the backspace repeatedly until that embarrassing message was gone. What the hell was wrong with him? Makoto didn't need to hear that. That would just make him feel bad...he felt bad enough about leaving as it was...

' _How have you been_?'

' _Oh, fine, I suppose. My roommate helps me study, so I guess it could be worse. I'm a lot more tired than I used to be_.'

Roommate. Right. Haruka felt a small pin go through him...jealousy? No, it couldn't be.

He received another text, and that pin turned into a rusty nail.

' _Seven more years. I'll probably start with something in three, but I'd really like to teach high-school_.'

. . .

Seven more years. Seven more _years_ of this. Then he would be a full-fledged teacher, and then he'd never have time again.

. . .

Haruka needed his mind off of that, and instead addressed another problem that had been plaguing him since their last night together.

' _Have you met anyone else_?'

' _Oh yeah_! _My roommate Niji is great, and there's a girl in my Children's Studies class, Saori. We're actually getting coffee tomorrow_.'

. . .

. . .

' _That's cool. I have an early class tomorrow, so I should get to bed_.'

' _Oh, okay. Night, Haru_! =) _It was nice talking to you_.'

' _You, too. Night_.'

Haruka snapped his phone shut and set it aside, pulling the blankets over his head. He needed a moment, several moments actually. He was fine...he was fine.

This was normal.

He needed to get used to these new thoughts, these new ideas. This new life they had.

If Makoto wanted to date someone, good for him. Who cared? Not Haruka. He was an attractive young man, it was honestly odd that he'd never dated before.

Haruka didn't think much of his own appearance. He'd been called handsome by relatives, and a few girls had watched him from afar (and then there had been Gou, gushing over his muscles from time to time), but as far as attractiveness went, Haruka didn't think much of himself.

Makoto was _attractive_. He was practically the poster-child for the word itself. If teaching didn't work, his friend could easily be a model. His height was excellent, his hair was usually perfect, and he had a swimmer's body. Toned, maintained, and absolutely flawless. He had long legs, too, which some people found as a plus (Haruka did), which led up to his broad back. Then there were the special things, like his smile, and the way he'd look up slightly if he was thinking. The way he behaved when he was excited was quite endearing, to say the least; all that energy in someone usually so calm was a definite charm. His voice was also soft, and there was just something about his very being that was comforting. People wanted to listen to him, and they felt calmer when they did. Haruka certainly had.

...had he ever thought about Makoto like this before? It was making his chest hurt.

Haruka stared at his ceiling, wondering why everything felt so wrong now. It was easy to blame Makoto, but that wasn't fair. Maybe Haruka ought to go out more. Go to a few parties, or join a club. Make some new friends.

Maybe he could try out for the swim team.

. . .

...that all sounded great. There was only one problem, though.

Haruka had no desire to do any of it.

. . . .

_December, 2015_

As the days grew colder, so did Haruka's heart. It had been four months. Four. And he'd received a total of twelve texts from Makoto in that time.

Twelve.

A few hellos, a few reports on how he was and asking how Haruka was doing, and then the one constant; Saori.

Half of them had involved Saori.

One of them had been a just picture of Saori.

She was cute. Very cute. Her hair was black, short and bit choppy around the ends, her eyes were blue, and she was blushing, smiling shyly at the camera with her hand up in a wave.

Haruka was sure that she was a nice girl, probably sweeter than sugar, if Makoto was dating her. They shared the same career path, clearly, and they'd been studying quite a bit lately, or at least Haruka assumed.

He didn't like her, and he knew the only reason for that was pure jealousy. Haruka was _horrendously_ jealous, and he was ashamed to admit it. She was probably a lovely person...perfect for Makoto in every way.

Christmas break had begun, and it was three days before the holiday itself. Haruka was now staring at his own ceiling, in his home in Iwatobi. He really didn't have anywhere else to go but here. His parents had been happy to see him, of course, but it wasn't helping him much.

He'd gotten a text from Nagisa saying that he and his family were in Hawaii, and that he would send pictures. ' _Merry Christmas, Haru-chan_!'

Rei was with his own family here in town, but it was Christmas. ' _My brother is visiting_.'

Even though Haruka was home, he was still lonely. Moping about in his room wasn't going to do much, though, so he stood up and got dressed, finding his coat and scarf, a good pair of jeans, and left. Maybe he'd go to the shrine. Or the ocean. He said goodbye to his parents, who told him to be careful, and then he was out, still wondering on where he could even go.

In the end, he went everywhere.

He went to the high school and stared in at the pool, smiling faintly as he remembered the club, and their last night all together.

The shrine was nice, same as it had been six months ago. Haruka made a quick prayer (getting New Years out of the way) and then left, only one more destination in mind as he walked the familiar streets.

After a few minutes, he'd reached it. Haruka stared for a moment or two before approaching cautiously.

The view from the gazebo was amazing. The ocean was icy, darker because the clouds were blotting out the sun. It would probably snow soon, by the looks of it...just like back then.

Haruka breathed in the cold air and sighed, his breath making a cloud each time he breathed out.

He looked to the side, remembering Makoto. How they'd all laughed. How he'd cried. How they'd walked home together...how he'd told Haruka how afraid of the future he was.

And here he was, doing fine, just like Haruka had known he would.

 _I'll do my best if you will, too_.

. . .

Maybe Haruka could apologize in the future, because...he _wasn't_ doing his best. This was nowhere _near_ his best. He wasn't even doing _well_. Another cloud escaped and dissipated as he sighed, looking out over the water. If he were to swim today, it would be bitterly cold, and no one would stop him.

Haruka wasn't that stupid, of course, but it was just a thought.

Makoto would stop him if he even suggested it. His friend might have gotten over his fear of the ocean, but that didn't mean ice-diving was an option. He smiled, fondly recalling all those times he'd been pulled back from water. He'd caused Makoto so much trouble back then...he could apologize for that, too.

"Haru?"

The smile dropped from Haruka's face instantly, and he whirled around at the sound of a familiar voice.

Makoto stood there on the path, his green eyes wide with surprise that soon turned to happiness. Haruka slowly stood up, completely shell-shocked. Was this really happening right now? He looked...different. It wasn't immediately noticeable, but something seemed different. Haruka couldn't place it. Had he gotten a haircut? Maybe...

"...Makoto?

"Haru! It _is_ you!"

And just like that, Makoto strode over and took Haruka into his arms in an embrace that felt just wonderful in the cold air, warm and safe. The shorter student melted into him, his arms gently going up to return the gesture.

Makoto was here. Makoto was here, and with him, and suddenly everything made sense again.

He smelled different, too, not that Haruka had ever truly identified him with a specific scent. If he had to, though, he'd say that the scent of chlorine was gone, and instead there was some sort of perfume or cologne.

They finally broke apart, and Makoto was beaming. He looked Haruka up and down, as if he were trying to be sure he was actually there. Haruka could do the same.

"You didn't tell me you were coming home for Christmas!"

"Neither did you..."

"Mako?"

Then there was a new voice, and Haruka froze. Looking past Makoto...there she was.

She was shorter than she looked in the picture, and her hair was pulled into two short pigtails. Her coat was light blue, going down to a bit past her hips and she jogged to meet them. When she reached Makoto, her arms went to wrap around his, and she giggled.

"You just ran off!"

"Haha, sorry, sorry."

. . .

Haruka stared. He stared for awhile, the whole time Makoto introduced her. Saori, in the flesh. Saori, here to meet his parents. Saori, originally from Enoshima and had always loved children.

"I'm Saori, nice to meet you. "

"Mako-kun and I have all the same classes."

"I want to be a preschool teacher."

"Mako-kun will be a great teacher, don't you think?"

"He's told me _so_ much about you."

It all tuned itself into one horrible, miserable entity, and she only received a few nods from Haruka.

Makoto was absolutely glowing. The way he was looking at her felt familiar, but Haruka couldn't place that, either. It was filled with adoration, as if Saori were the most beautiful person in the world.

They looked like a married couple.

Haruka felt like he might be sick.

"So, what are you studying, Haru-san?"

"...I'm...I'm getting my core curriculum out of the way first."

Makoto's smile finally faltered off as he noticed Haruka's tone, his general attitude and expression. Haruka pretended that he hadn't noticed.

"Oh, that's smart. I was going to do that, but I figured I'd get the hard stuff knocked out first, ya know?"

"Yeah..."

There was an awkward silence before Makoto laughed nervously. He leaned over slightly to her and whispered.

"If it's alright, could Haru and I have a second? It's been awhile since we've seen each other."

"Oh...alright. I'll just go to that park we saw earlier. Bye-bye."

She kissed his cheek, and he laughed gently, and then she walked off, leaving her boyfriend and the absolutely shattered Haruka behind. When she was out of sight, Makoto's smile was gone, and he was looking to Haruka with pure concern.

"Haru, are you alright? You don't look-"

"I'm fine."

Haruka put his hands in his pockets and made as if he were going to leave, only to be stopped by Makoto's arm.

"Haru, talk to me...it's...it's been a long time."

' _It has_ ,' Haruka wanted to say. ' _You hardly talk to me anymore, and when you do, it's about her, and you never told me you were coming home for Christmas, or that you even had a girlfriend. I thought we were going to stay in touch_.'

He didn't say a single word, but he did see Makoto staring at him, and then his expression changed completely. The confusion left, and in its place was mild shame. He put his hands in his pockets and looked to the ground.

"...I know I haven't been very good on staying in touch...and I completely forgot to tell you I was coming back to Iwatobi. I'm sorry, Haru. I really have been busy, and then Saori..."

"It's fine."

Haruka didn't want reasons. He wanted things back to the way they were...or did he?

Seeing this girl with Makoto made him feel so dead. Haruka felt replaced in every sense of the word; that's exactly what had happened, hadn't it? Or maybe he was just being stupid with jealousy again. But why would he be jealous? It's not like he wanted to be with Makoto like that.

...well, he'd like to be with him at school. Helping each other with work, studying and eating together...they could be roommates. And he definitely would've liked to have come home together, maybe surprise the both of their families. They could've come back to this gazebo together to reminisce about their childhood and...and maybe Haruka would have something do. Something to talk about to someone who wanted to listen to him. His life would be a hell of a lot better than it was now. Now it was just Point A to Point B, avoiding anything and everyone. Monotonous, dull, boring, pointless, droning on and on with no end in sight-

"Haru?"

Makoto sounded startled, and Haruka wondered why. He wondered why his face felt so warm, and when he touched his cheek, he found that it was wet.

...when had he started crying?

"Haru! Haru, what's wrong!?"

Makoto had his shoulders now, and Haruka couldn't do anything but look down. This was bad; this was absolutely shameful. What sort of idiot was he? He'd been stupid enough to fall for his best friend, and he'd been even more stupid to realize that _after_ Makoto had gotten a girlfriend.

"...let go of me."

"Haru..."

Makoto backed off, hands off Haruka now, and the black-haired student straightened his scarf and walked past him. He was going home; there was too much for him to handle and process right now, and he didn't need Makoto giving him that 'worried mother' look, as much he'd missed it.

...he'd missed him so much, and now he couldn't even look at him without feeling that nail pounding into his chest.

He turned around, eyes a bit red now that he'd stopped himself from getting any worse.

"...she's cute. Good job."

He kept walking, ignoring the single "Wait, Haru!" that came from behind. Haruka looked down the road, and he could see the park from here. There she was, sitting on one of the swings and looking bored.

Haruka was devoting the rest of this Christmas break to staying in his room, in his home with his family.

. . . .

_Christmas, 2015_

The phone buzzed. Haruka rolled over from his bed, still awake at midnight, and prayed it wasn't from who he thought it might be.

 _'Merry Christmas, Haru_.'

. . .

' _You, too._ '

He stared at the screen for awhile, blankly, tiredly, and thought of a few days ago. It'd been all he'd thought.

. . .

' _Tell Saori I said Merry Christmas_.'

' _I will...thank you, Haru_.'

. . .

He put the phone back of his desk and rolled over, trying to sleep and put everything out of his mind. He'd be back in school soon, and his once chance at seeing Makoto again had been completely spoiled.

...well...fine. Makoto didn't really need him anymore, after all. He had her. He'd be fine.

Haruka wouldn't, but that was fine. He'd find some way out of this stupid feeling that had completely enveloped him. The thoughts that were racing in his head about Saori and Makoto, how they must be at his house right now. How she was probably playing with the twins and laughing, how his parents probably thought she was the sweetest thing...how they might be holding hands and snuggling with hot chocolate, and standing under mistletoe, and the both of them would be embarrassed, because that's how Makoto got when he was out under the spotlight like that...Haruka would know.

. . .

This was pathetic.

. . . .

_January, 2016_

Back to school. Back to hell.

The texts became more of a holiday sort of happening, rather than checking in or even boredom.

Haruka hardly left his room. It got bad enough to where Kenichi was bringing him food out of pity, or maybe it was fear of coming back to see that his roomate had starved to death.

The work got harder, now that he'd had to curve out into the actual major's classes. Philosophy, Biology, Chinese Studies, and Conversational English weren't the best combination, and it only got worse by the day.

...maybe he should just drop out. Clearly he wasn't cut out for this. But then what would Makoto think of him?

Did that even matter anymore?

. . .

Haruka hated this. He needed to get over it. Makoto had a girlfriend, there wasn't a point to feeling like this. It was stupid, childish, and absolutely pointless.

... _everything_ was pointless, when one got right down to it. After high school, it was just an endless Point A to Point B. Take tests, prove you're smart, get a job, marry, work for years and years, stop, then die. Haruka had never been interested in marriage, but everything else had sort of been drilled into his brain since kindergarten.

Only now did he realize how pointless it all was.

. . .

He picked up his phone, and for the first time since coming to this hellhole, he was calling Makoto. It was only nine, so he shouldn't be asleep, right? Unless he was working...that was probably the case. One ring...two...three...four...

Click.

"H-hello?"

"Hey."

"Haru? Hi...w-what's wrong, is everything alright? You never call..."

"Nothing's wrong."

"Mako..."

Haruka heard her, somewhere in the background. Saori. She sounded...odd, to say the least. His brow furrowed.

"Are you alright?"

"Who, me? Yeah, I'm great, we were...we were just...ah..."

. . .

"...c-can I call you back?"

"...okay."

" _Makooo_ , come _back_."

Haruka could hear his friend swallowing; nerves. That was nerves.

"...I'm sorry. I'll call you back, okay?"

Click.

. . .

Haruka had never been hung up on before. He didn't think it'd be by his best friend. He tossed his phone to the end of the bed; calling him hadn't made things any better. If anything, Haruka only felt worse, and completely embarrassed by what he'd interrupted.

...so Makoto was in _that_ kind of relationship with her.

She was seeing a side of Makoto even Haruka hadn't seen before.

. . .

That was fine. He was only human. He was attractive, she was cute. It only made sense.

Haruka let his mind linger on his friend for a moment longer, but that had been too much. Soon it was nothing but Makoto filling his thoughts. Every wonderful thing he knew about him, and then making up new things...like how he might kiss her, how he'd hold her body...what sort of things he'd whisper in her ear...

...Haruka was only human, too. That's what he told himself when he felt his pants get tighter, and even then, the embarrassment and shame reached its peak.

He touched himself, and he thought of Makoto. He touched himself the way he thought Makoto would. He tried to stay gentle, but he thought that Makoto might get a bit too excited at some points; he was like that, after all. Haruka realized he hadn't locked the door, and he prayed that Kenichi wouldn't come back anytime soon.

Damn it, it felt good to pretend that everything was okay. It was unhealthy, Haruka knew that, but he couldn't help it. This was the first time he'd felt somewhat okay in months, hell, almost a year.

Then the phone rang, and Haruka froze, hand still on his dick, truly struggling not to move anymore. He was panting, and the phone was ringing. He couldn't answer...there was no way. But then Makoto might worry...it was Makoto, after all.

He picked up the phone and managed a short 'Hello?,' keeping his breathing in check.

"Haru? Hey, it's me...sorry about that, we were...we were in the middle of something. I'm alone now. Are you okay? You sounded off..."

Oh God, answering it had only made this worse. Haruka stifled a gasp as he pumped his cock more, a new wave of arousal hitting him when he heard Makoto's voice. Shit. This was bad. This was wrong.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? ...Haru, you there?"

"Y-yeah."

"...listen...I want to apologize. I'm sorry for what happened at Christmas...I hadn't thought about you at all, and that was wrong of me. I'd gotten so wrapped up in coming home and Saori and work that I'd completely...I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me."

. . .

"...Haru?"

"I-I forgive you."

. . .

"Haru, are you sure you're feeling well? You sound exhausted."

Makoto was worried. Haruka couldn't answer, however, not when he was so close. This might be the worst thing he'd ever done in his life, but how could it be when it felt so good?

Then Makoto laughed, and that was what nearly did Haruka in. That kind tone was back. He stroked himself faster, just barely keeping back a moan.

"Looks like you're the one with the cold this year. That's pretty funny...I do hope you're alright, though. Well, I need to get some sleep...did you need anything?"

"No..."

"Alright then. I'm going to bed. Night, Haru. It was nice hearing from you."

"Night."

Haruka all but threw his phone to his desk, and all attention was back to his cock. Makoto's voice was still in his ears, that pitch, his image, 'Haru,' 'Haru.'

He came quietly, and he'd imagined Makoto doing it the whole time, and speaking to him sweetly, telling him that he was-

. . .

Haruka stared at his twenty-two ceiling tiles and stopped thinking about Makoto. Instead, he thought about how he had become literally the worst type of person; an envious, disgusting pervert. There was human, and then there was garbage.

Haruka was scum.

He wouldn't call Makoto again. Not until this idiocy stopped.


End file.
